If the shoe fits, don't hate me. I still love you.

There are many things that I want to be that I'm not. I'm not a confident guy. I have extreme self-esteem issues. I have been to different therapists and nothing has worked. Of course, it doesn't help that I stop going after a few months. This time, even though I'm not entirely sure it's working, I'm sticking it out and have managed to last for more than a year. 

I get advice from the people who are truly close to me. My family, the handful of people who I consider to be true friends, colleagues, shrink... I know they care and want me to do well and be happy. I'm not stupid enough not to see that. I know they love me. But there's this hump. 

Pictured: Hump

It's a matter of self-esteem. I know. I'm just not confident. I keep second guessing myself, always wondering if I'm doing the right thing or acting in the right way. I'm a good guy, I don't want to hurt anybody, even though some people in my life seem to get a kick out of kicking me in the balls every chance they get. And there are many people in my life who do that. I can't imagine why. And it's not because I'm such a great person or whatever, I know I can be an asshole and my issues are such that I will often shut down and not bother dealing with what's going on. I can't understand how somebody gets so much joy out of fucking with somebody else and being a dick. I really can't. And to do it with glee, fully aware that they're affecting somebody else in a negative way and interfering with somebody else's happiness. Seriously, what is the fucking point of that?

Which brings me to the next issue. Facebook Self Fellatio. 

Ron Jeremy: Can suck his own penis. In case you didn't know.

 I think I've alreay written about this, and if somebody reading who is actually my friend (real-life or Facebook-wise) is offended by this, I sincerely apologize. I'm not writing to be mean or insulting. It's like the flip-flop thing. I hate them with a passion, but I won't hate you for wearing them. Well, maybe a little. 

But I digress. 

I can never be confident enough to "Like" my own Facebook shit. Even though I laugh at some of what I post (or steal from other places, whatever), I will never click the "Like" button on my own shit. Seeing my News Feed say: "__________ liked his own photo" or "_________ liked his own status" annoys the ever-loving shit out of me, almost as much as people who post about religion or fucking quotes from the Dalai Lama or whatever cookie-cutter bullshit feel-good philosophy is all the rage these days. Come on, people, be real. There is no magic formula. Most of the times, life fucking sucks, don't pretend it doesn't. I don't believe true happiness exists and if you tell me it does or if you tell me you are 100% truly happy I will only believe that you are a goddamn liar.

I understand why people pretend it does though. Sure, it's comforting to think that it does, but I don't think the human mind works that way. I don't believe that the brain or the human spirit (if that even exists) can ever be satisfied enough to say that. I don't think animals (and we're an animal, don't forget) or instincts can ever be satisfied to that degree. 

Seriously, cut that shit out. Resist the urge to click on that "Like" button no matter how impressed you are by your own joke, your own picture, or your own cloying, overbearing, and condescending advice. Because when you tell me how to be happy, and how God can solve all my problems, you're not helping. You're being condscending. 

And a douchebag.